Topic: Tired.
Date: 30 Mar 2008
Time: 21:31:54


The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: BOUGHT IT, IBANEZ SR506BM
Date: 25 Mar 2008
Time: 23:55:05
Just bought my IBA SR506BM!!!! SO HAPPY!! Now dont have to worry about it no more! Should be coming by end of next week or the week after next :D

Bro's still looking for the best dealer to get his 10" tom.

It's getting late I wanna eat vanilla ice-cream :D And then I'm calling it a night!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: PEACE BE WITH YOU
Date: 23 Mar 2008
Time: 11:59:11
PEACE. Just came back from church with my family. As usual my brother stayed home to be with DUD. DUD has an anxiety problem, he can't be left alone by himself or he would go my parents' room's balcony (upstairs) and HOWL AWAY. He can't live by himself, he will become seriously overwhelmed by lonelinessss...

In church I was just so peaceful. God's peace just invaded my heart and I could just forget my problems. The feeling was so wonderful.. I haven't felt that for a long time.. peace, one of the fruits of the spirit is better than joy....... because peace brings joy to me :D

And I could not attend youth service. Yesterday had to book into camp packing stuff until night time....

At 1pm I'm going out with my JC army boys!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: TALK OVER WHAT'S HAPPENING, WHY SO DEPRESSED?
Date: 22 Mar 2008
Time: 01:20:20
Was eating dark chocolate ice-cream with pandan cake. Dad was sitting on the main couch, mom was on a chair opposite dad (tv behind her). Crystal working on her laptop, economics powerpoint slides. Joe was PEARL DRUMMER on his comp. I got scared and a distrust overwhelmed me that I could not look up at everyone. Two of the ones that hurt me most were in front of me. I could only sit with two legs in front of my chest and arms folded on my knees. Sad. Sad. How can I be close to them? How can I forgive them and still feel such resentment? How can we ever be close again? Is that possible? Why can't we be ourselves in front of one another? Why the lack of trust? Why the spirit of criticism and the caution? Why such a tall wall between us?

Mom was talking about tanglin fellowship and about BETH OR BESS (dad corrected) and the other lady cannot remember the name. I wasnt listening I was in my own world, it did not take long before they realised and mom started asking me to look up but I just kept looking at my fats and the 4 folds on my belly in my position. Mom started talking about dunno what thing about not letting any spirit come in to tell me things cannot be settled or make me stressed and sad and depressed or whatsoever. Dad came asking me to look up and gave me a hug but I could not even bring myself up because of the resentment. Everyone was aware of my stubborness and finally I got up and dad thought it was an issue with him so we walked up to his room and sat on his bed and I started tearing mom came in but was driven out by dad who wanted to talk to me by himself.

Tearing badly and just couldn't look at him. Felt so sad and rejected. Dad kept on telling me to look at him but I just kept looking down and only did a few slight glimpses. Just dun dare. Then he tried talking things out because I just wont open up for solid 20 mins on his bed and he was beside on kneeling on the ground. Showed me a korea pic with me in the centre smiling and he told me that I was so helpful in Korea helping to carry the bag for mom and so on and I was thinking that was in the past and this is no longer me and I'm just an unhelpful Christian that no one talks about me and can't do much for Jesus. Felt I would rather go back in time. Dad told me I was a fine young man and I am a good boy and have a good heart (really? I'm just so evil and unfriendly that so many people dislike me). I just didn't feel defined. I did not like the fact that no one acknowledges me and so I believed this is just me.

Hearing dad speak (after dissociating) brings me back in time. Dad told me I was handsome and told me to smile and I only smiled so little but he said God gave me that smile and I look so good and all that when most people just dont tell me that. Yeah I like myself I know I am handsome but so few people really like me and most say i'm a serious guy and unfriendly or whatsoever but maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. God told me in the purple book that I should just feel comfortable talking out my emotions and that's me. I have a good heart. I'm a good boy. I'm a handsome boy. I have a good smile. I am friendly and nice and most importantly God created me perfect. That's all going through my mind.

Tearing. Dad brings me on the ground sitting beside his L-desk. He said God created me perfect! And asked me what's on my mind and why am I not speaking asked me to speak it out because it's good for me(are you sure? I spoke to my bro and things did not change). But I just shut up and did not say a word. So he was playing a guess game and some of the options he guess was whether it's an issue with him a few months back in sep or a few weeks ago or yesterday or about the university application whereby he was too harsh telling me i'm a hard person to convince and I dont listen to advice but all these were no. It's because we just can't be ourselves each other. He tried hard but just couldn't get one right. Finally he guessed it was an issue yesterday or the day before or even the day before or even before or what and I did not nod but somehow he thought I nodded. Then he began to ask me to speak up and told me it's okay to speak up.

But again I shut up and just sat there tearing. He just said "aww" and hugged me then I was in the same position with my knees in front of my chest and he said okay, just say a word and he said I love you and asked me to say " I Love you Dad" and three times I replied and he was so happy and me too:D And he told me to look up at his face and finally I got enough courage to look into his face finally I shot back in time whereby I could comfortably look at him with no resentment and when he really felt like dad to me and every word he said defined me more. Perhaps it's all a misinterpretation. He said we can talk things out, and of course if he's busy and can't talk it doesnt mean he doesn't care but I gotta understand he might have a tight schedule, and if he had a bad day he might not be listening and I ought not to be angry. And if I had any issue that I need to talk to him about I should approach him and that he would be so glad to help me

And gave him a big hug and stood up and told me I should not let any small conflict or issue make me think that he doesn't love me that's extreme. There will be some small conflicts within every relationship and it sometimes misunderstandings might occur but it's not that each party doesn't love the other..he used the best eg like me and bro and I said no, we dont have conflicts (yes, but always settle, never longer than 5 mins!) HEHE :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Concluded and brought down the tissue paper and I cried enough my heart is more free, dont know whether completely free, and I was on the main couch mom was on my left and dad sat on the one beside the main couch. Did the night prayer thing half way crystal joined in with the second last verse and they prayed for me :D Jesus is at work. Jesus fights for me. :D I'm no longer who I thought I am. :D Jesus defines me :D

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: GAG
Date: 21 Mar 2008
Time: 00:26:59
My family just prayed for me casting out every evil spirit, spirit of fear, confusion, disunity, delusion, deception, rage, irritability, lust, resentment, rejection. We did a prophetic act and trampled on each of them. "D Well it's just past twelve and it's GOOD FRIDAY TODAY! OH I FEEL SO UNWORTHY, I'VE SINNED SO MUCH BUT GOD'S LOVE IS BOUNTIFUL AND UNCONDITIONAL.

Stressful issues, or the spirit of worry? :S

Bro is just such a great confidant! He feels older than me! Oh he's not anyway lousier or smaller or less talented or smart, it's his turn to be my older brother. How peaceful. Life is life with him. Plenty of memories and good times together. What a confidant!

::DDDDDDD

Oh yes we had dinner at a Jap restaurant I cannot remember the name this is the number ? time already but still dunno! It was a great dinner to commemorate my A LVL RESULT. :D I got no camera hp (in army, sold it) so no photo. Only bro has some I think. All candid one :Z

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: MADNESS
Date: 13 Mar 2008
Time: 21:30:49
WOW. DAY IN DAY OUT JUST THINKING WHATTTTT AM I GONNA APPLY FOR....... NUS NUS NUS NUS NUS!! BUT WHICH COURSE! IT'S SO HARD TO DECIDE!

a LIFE FULL OF PROBLEMS. WHEN WILL THE PROBLEMS END

Ever thought about meaning in life? A really mature question everyone should have already thought about. What's gonna happen after the U?

Now my family is 'trying' to convince me into engineering. How boring. Nah, no more calculus. The end of high level differentiation/integration. I just dont find value in enginnering. Don't we have enough problems already, I'm just so tired to do more problem solving.. :S

THINKING THINKING IT'S GETTING ME REALLY STRESSED ONLY 17 DAYS LEFT BEFORE APPLICATION CLOSES. WOW. WHAT TO TAKE WHAT TO TAKE...

Who's thinking like me? It's the end of JC and we've actually got 2 more years than POLY students to think about our future paths, and right now still so constipated!

I pray but I guess not hard enough. I'm not receiving more answers all i've been hearing is arts/social science and only about it.. my interest lies right there..

My whole maternal family is helping me. giving ideas based on experience or other ppl's experience. Although it's making me a lil confused, i will slowly do my elimination. I have already eliminated quite a number of faculties.

Thanks everyone for congratulating me! (forgot to thank earlier, or no time to blog)

This is besides the point, but how did Jesus fast 40 days and nights! WOW, I can nearly die even fasting for just one whole day ~.~

I'm just sooooo emotionally numb these few months...... HOW STRESSFULLLLLLLL

Without my bro I wouldn't have survived... what a cool confidant :D

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: WHOAHAHAHAHA
Date: 07 Mar 2008
Time: 19:55:23
WHOAHAHA! I nearly choked when I saw the first slide! I thought I was gonna be one of the failures of GP!! GOT 16% fail leh! I NEARLY passed out X.X And dayan was close to panicking, I was cold sweating so much! The principal then went on to show the most improved students, from 18 pointers down to 11, at 16 pointers' slide Dayan's name wasn't on the list! And the last result of the slide was ACDD I think(which is very bad to Dayan), and he kind of flushed and nearly passed out too haha! "There's hope, you're the next one on the list man!!" I reassured him! He thought he was gonna get C,D,Es and flung GP! And as the principal finished showing the 11 pointers' I was looking forward to the 10 pointer to see whether I'm DOOMED OR NOT, but she said "Don't have a slide, because they should be getting 4As"! WOW SO MUCH FOR KEEPING ME IN SUSPENSE! I knew I did not get 4As, I'm a shame as a 10 pointer, because I wasn't lining up outside the hall with the other 4 or 3As ppl and I did not get an SMS!

My results:
GP - A
H2 Maths - B
H2 physics - B
H2 computing - B
H1 econs - B

While collecting the results at JamesKoh's desk me and Dayan were so frightened we were shivering and shaking hahahaha! Had to put one arm around him to make sure he doesn't fall or whatsoever! He was madly nervous! Mr. Fong and Paik were there reassuring us that our results were good, but it did not convince Dayan! Finally he picked up the paper and

GP - D
H2 Maths - B
H2 physics - D
H2 computing - B
H1 GSC - D

Not so bad la! BBD! Mine's BBB! What's the difference, not considering GP and contrasting subject! We belong to the same league - Shasha is First league, with all As! Yunlong and Yixiang the twins of the Second league, with B for GP and Ace for the rest. I am probably a deformed version, swapping As with Bs, A for GP, and Bs for the rest! Me and Dayan belong to the third league with the non-As! Anyway, if I had not gotten an A Dayan wouldn't have gone home today feeling satisfied as he is now! At least I consoled him with my Bs haha!

The results reflect luck, or is this really me? I had always been a science student. I loved scoring As for sciences it made me feel great! But GP pwned the this time round. I always think I'm gonna do so well for sciences, but God took over my grades. Maybe I'm just so well rounded! How did I manage to do that essay, I thought I would flung it. I still remember the teacher in charge when I took my GP exam. I remember where I sat, I remember thinking what a mess was this essay while handing up the script. I finished like 1 minute before the paper ended. For paper 2 my AQ was like so empty! And summary was incomplete! Maybe a lot of people failed, that's why.....

God probably just took over my results :D

I'm still off track of time, I am still having derealisation! Everything still feels dreamlike.. but it's real!? Unbelievable..

Dunno why from the last computing paper, I entirely forgot about A level. I just wanted to get it off my mind which is just not able to cope with so much stress! A dove just fell into my heart giving me such great peace and confidence that God has the results for me. As HE SAID, HE DID. WONDERFUL PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I hope I can be an inspiration to gj" only my bro will understand this :D

I hope bro just does better than me next year. BELIEVE IT OR NOT! ITS TIME GOD TAKES OVER HIS RESULTS TOO. A prophecy to enter NUS, I will. A prophecy to do well. DEFINITELY :)

Oh yes. PatriciaKhor was so happy for me! She was clapping away! I was really embarassed, I dont deserve it! She demanded I say thank you! I did and it was SOOO fake! HAHA :P

I'm supposed to send an email to my extended family email group! Everybody seems so excited to hear my results! Also I have to scan the sleep disorder study report so I can tell them that I do not panic in my sleep and I have no disorder, because I sleep as greatly as anyone else!

Mom & dad and uncle and his wife and kids are going to Segamat again today, that's why I'm emailing, not them. (I'm pretty lazy, mom or dad usually mails for me!)

Bro is jamming and will be back in a few minutes time! He was present when I was with Dayan collecting results from KamesJoh! He felt I did not do so well, surprised at my GP grade though, asking me whether I'm sad! But why do I feel such euphoria! (I'm not mentally ill! No psychologist can diagnose me with any disorder)

I'm getting my bass guitar (embarrassed, how noob) soon! Was watching some videos learning the basics, remember last year Bro was doing the same thing while learning how to drum! I hope this bass does not take up too much time! Currently we're deciding on the most cost effective one with the help of his dudes, and I still dont have a budget! Until I have one, how can they decide which is the most cost effective bass?

And yes, I hope I have the right motivation to learning bass!

Sis should be back tonight, shall we celebrate by having supper under the 2AM stars.......

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: W00T
Date: 06 Mar 2008
Time: 23:45:37
WOW A LEVEL RESULTS WILL BE OUT TOMORROW! 14 MORE MINUTES TO 7TH MARCH 2008! HOW EXCITING! I HOPE EVERYONE WILL DO FINE TOMORROW, NO TEARS PLEASE!! (although this is impossible). I HOPE I DONT TEAR TOMORROW OVER THE EXCITEMENT! YAY GET TO SEE MY FRIENDS AND HUG AS WE RECEIVE THE CERTIFICATE OF OUR GRADUATION FROM SCHOOL LIFE.

Did i mention I went for a sleep disorder test? because I have panic attacks in my sleep for 1.5 years. The army wanted me to go for a sleep test since my panics only occur at night thinking it might be a sleep-related problem; I took the test on the 19th last month, and the collected the results just this afternoon, and guess what!! It's not sleep related at all! I remembered that night I had 5 panics and two of them were so frightening! But this sleep test, conducted with a device connected to so many wires attached to different parts of my upper body (esp the head), shows that nothing happened during my 'panics'. No racing of heartbeat were recorded! I remembered I woke up and felt my heart racing and here it says no racing at all?! LOL. And there's a cool graph showing the four different stages of sleep, and it looked like I slept like any ordinary person with no disorders or whatsoever, it was perfectly normal sleep!

PHYSICIAN'S COMMENT: Full EEG recording shoed no epileptiform activity. No arrhythmias were recorded. No abnormal behaviour was detected.
DIAGNOSIS:
1. Primary Snoring.
2. Overall sleep architecture was relatively well preserved.

That was a full sleep study! And now the doctor has shown me that I sleep perfectly fine! She says that I'm having a psychological problem whereby I perceive myself having a panic attack. I panic in my mind. She continues saying it might have to do with past traumas, but I'm not diagnosed with PTSD because now I know that I DONT PANIC PHYSICALLY, BUT PSYCHOLOGICALLY. HAHA. The doctor did not know what kind of condition this is and so called it 'nocturnal panic attacks'. Before this I tell people I have 'panic disorder'. Then the sleep related thing comes in and I tell them 'sleep disorder'. And now I tell them 'nocturnal panic attacks'. Wonder what's next after my MMI appointment!

So what's all the fuss about this panic thing? The fuss is about whether these things are happening in the realm of the physical, spiritual or both. It's pretty confusing! Psychology says one thing, Christianity says the other! So it's now between whether my panics are occuring in the mind, or in the spiritual realm!

I am always hanging on and believing that these are spiritual attacks, no matter what a psychologist might say. Psychology misses out on the spirit, stating that a human is made up of a body, mind, and soul. Christianity states a body, soul (consisting of the mind), and spirit. It's quite clear some of these experiences (OR MAYBE, IT COULD BE ALL OF THEM, WE'LL KNOW SOON) are spiritual because I have seen images/vision that freak me out or sooth my soul(some from God, some from the Enemy). There are times however, whereby I can be in a trance but feel absolutely normal and it's harder to tell whether those are from the 'mind' or from the spiritual realm.

I'll just keep going on this journey to see where all these things take me to..

O yeah, this reminded me coz today at camp a rat was caught in a mouse cage by some cleaners. My unitmates wanted to electricute him alive! They all headed to the battery store and began to connect a huge battery to the cage with the help of a jumper! But luckily Master came to the rescue and stopped them. She said 'killing the rat is bad for your karma' and the guys were arguing saying their religion does not believe in such stuff bla bla.... the master suggested they drown the rat. They decided they wanted to burn the rat instead! I DIDN'T WATCH BECAUSE I THINK IT'S SO CRUEL OF THEM. I GUESS MASTER DID NOT AS WELL. But they used a lubricant for the tools, sprayed in all over the rat and the cage and then lit it alive in the cage, and the smell was horrid. How morbid X.X

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: PASHION
Date: 06 Mar 2008
Time: 13:00:20
AHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S THURSDAY!!!! RESULTS ARE GOING TO BE OUT TOMORROW AT 2PM RIGHT!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!! HAHHAHAHA

I can get to see classmates, really long time no see! Esp my closer friends!

SO LETSSSSS SEEEEEEEEEEEEE..................... O YEAH. I THINK I GOT THE 'PASHION' TO LEARN BASS AND MY SUP BUDDIES WILL HELP ME GET ONE COST EFFECTIVE ONE! YAY! NOW I WON'T BE ROTTING DURING THE ARMY PERIOD HAHA!

I'm a noob in all musical instruments. I did not get pass piano grade 3! haha! I know I have the talent but I did not see the need to develop it during my younger days. I just game and play and have fun with my friends and study! Now it's time to think about talents that God's given me! I can't be an extremist saying that since everything is God-given then God has given me unlimited talents! Neither can I say that I'm focussing on the carnal things! Solomon said that it's wise to not take extremes! ha :P

So I think it's time for me to learn something new! I wasted my squash talent, sports talent but too bad then. I focus on what I have now! Bro's officially 1 year and 1 mun old drummer! I'm a pure noob and now is the perfect time for ME TO CATCH UP HAHA BRO

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: Posted out!
Date: 04 Mar 2008
Time: 17:21:08
Wow. A level results will be out on Fri! Finally after waiting for so long!!! I'm so excited!

My uncle and his wife came over to our place again on sunday to pray in our room. I dont wanna write i detail what all these things are about because it wont make sense to anybody. But I will be glad to share it with anyone who would be open enough to listen to the whole story.

And the best lesson I learned was to forgive from my heart :D

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.