Topic: PRAISEEEEEEEEEETOTHELORDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Date: 29 Feb 2008
Time: 12:55:30
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
GIVE PRAISE TO THE LORD
I'VE DONE IT PROPHECY HAS COME TO PASS THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING I HAVE JUST FORGIVEN MY PARENTS FOR PAST HURTS AND I AM HERE BOLDLY STATING AND I'M NOT LYING BECAUSE IT'S IS DONE! IT'S BY THE HOLY SPIRIT AND HIS STRONG ANOINTING THE I'M ABLE TO SAY "I FORGIVE YOU" PRAISE BE TO THE LORD IT IS ACCOMPLISHED!~ THE JOURNEY HAS JUST BEGUN IT'S A NEW BEGINNING FOR ME! O LORD YOUR POWER IS UNBELIEVABLE!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: It must be of God
Date: 28 Feb 2008
Time: 22:41:57
I realise that I've become so derealised, that I've lost track of time. I feel like an 'observer'. I feel detached like everyone who's experienced derealisation does. I feel I had never gone through this year. I'm so preoccupied with my problem, that I've gone down the hill. It's madness. I can't explain how much has been taken away from me for 1 year. Since I had a divine visitation. (A personal thing). Also, the funny thing is A level feels like a life of its own.



Why do I not feel like I've taken it?
Why do I not feel like I felt before?
Why do I not behave the way I behaved before?
Why do I believe in things that I had never believed in before?
What is it that's taken over my mind, that it has been overcome by sin and not by power?
Why is it driving me nuts?
Is it because I'm going crazy?
Why does everything feel like a dream?
Why is life colorless and blunt?
Why am I experiencing these things?
Why is life so hard?
Why, have I not tried hard enough to do well in my life?
Have I not got the ability to be a scholar and be powerful?
Have I not spent sufficient time with God?
Have I not got enough Bible knowledge?
Have I not meditated and prayed?
Have I not fasted long enough that my prayers are in vain?
Have I not forced my way through fear and embraced power?
Have I not yet learnt to move in divine power?
Have I not got the gifts of the Holy Spirit?
Is a demon behind my back?
Have I not yet repented enough?
Why have the panics stopped suddenly, after uncle prayed for me?
Is it because I'm silent enough? But I know I am braver than I was before.
Why have I drifted so far from my dad?
Why do our conversations seem cold to one another?
Why, did I make mistake? Was it a misinterpretation? Was it me that got it all wrong?
I guess it's -even-. Both parties are at fault.

Have I got the answer or have I NOT GOT THE ANSWER yet God?

Why are things happening the way they are happening?
From a carnal perspective I will say I'm just unlucky.
From the Godly perspective I will say it's a learning opportunity.
I know both perspectives, but I dont, from the bottom of my heart, believe in either.
Whose problem is it?
Carnal - mine
Godly - God's
Is this the answer? Or did I hear wrongly? Is this a lesson of forgiveness?
Can forgiveness, a fruit of the spirit, be so much greater a lesson than other lessons? A LEVELS IS AN ANT COMPARED TO IT!
Am I just angry, or am I furious, or am I blowing up, or am I SO BITTER?
Mood swings, why? Why be secure with Jesus and suddenly feel insecure with his followers? Aren't we one body?
Why the hypocrisy?
Whose duty is it, is it my duty to step out to forgive? Or should I wait for the person, who has understood my pain, who has talked with me about this problem, who might have hurt me but insists he is not aware, and who's in a better position to help me, who said, "let's see for a while, whether I continue to treat you this if I do, tell me. But if i'm innocent, i'll just give you time to come to your senses, to come back to reality" but whose behaviour toward me never changed (so I'm thinking it's unresolved), and to whom I dare not speak up even if he 'felt' he treated me badly again, so how would he know his mistake? But how can someone not know their mistake? And why is he treating me as if nothing bad has ever happened to me and ask me, "how're you?" when he should know the answer is "NOT GOOD"? Why is he not facing the issue? Not bold enough? How can he be aware of this big problem that I told him of, that hurt me so bad and now refuses to face the issue, why such 'hypocrisy'?
If it's really partly his fault, then I WILL COME BACK TO REALITY MORE EASILY!
But it's really only my perception or sensitivity, then it's my fault for being resentful!
How can I be 'mature' without the fruits of the Spirit?
How can I expect myself to go outward when I'm completely reflecting everything back to myself?
How can one move in power without LOVE? Without LOVE, the kingdom will not reign for eternity!
Because this kingdom is LOVE, GOD IS LOVE, LOVE ENCOMPASSES EVERYTHING
How much more valuable are such lessons!
My one dear and only dad it's time I forgive you! No matter who is in the right. If Jesus said, "Lord, forgive them for they do not know what they do", then so can I. ITS TIME I LET GO. FINALLY THE DAY OF PROPHECY HAS COME TO PASS. I'M GOING UPSTAIRS, IF YOU'RE SLEEPING, I WILL AWAKE YOU AND EMBRACE YOU, IF NOT, I'LL JUST SAY, "DAD I FORGIVE YOU, AND I HOLD NOTHING AGAINST YOU FROM THIS NIGHT ON". IT'S TIME TO LET GO, AND IT'S TIME FOR ME TO LEARN FORGIVENESS.
O God help me-------------- "Jesus is Lord"
I must not raise my voice! I will remain calm when I talk to him later! I will only depend on the Holy Spirit's anoiting!

I must not give up from tomorrow onwards!
I will treat him as he was before!
I will love him like how we are to love everyone!
I will make sure I learn this precious lesson!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: 12 blessings!
Date: 27 Feb 2008
Time: 23:58:25
I musnt give up. 12 blessings must continue! yeah! I have not dared to do 12 blessings in camp because most of the storemen are Malays! Am I unlucky? Of course not, it's a learning opportunity. Evangelism is not easy. But evangelism can move in power but first I have to overcome the fear. I heard one guy explain it this way: Jesus came to the disciples in the midst of the storm on the water. When the disciples saw him and thought he was a ghost and were terrified. But if the disciples have taken a risk and moved closer to take a better look at the 'ghost' then Jesus would be there. It's about moving past the fear in order to embrace the power of Jesus and move in the power of the Spirit. Recognise Jesus, not the fear.
That's a wonderful explanation right! Of course they were my own words, but the meaning is more or less there.

I'm continuing! I will not give up! I'm not chickening out!

And forgiveness is a big lesson to learn! For me right now!

Tomorrow I go back to camp. Tomorrow I book out and God will direct me!

"Jesus is Lord" in the midst of my circumstance!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: Packed, packed, and 12 blessings!
Date: 24 Feb 2008
Time: 16:36:25
Wow my 2 days at the camp were just rotting days. Doing absolutely nothing! I had better find something productive to do rather than waste the time. Joel's asking me to DIY learn to play some instruments. LOL. Currently I am weighing the options and I will finally decide on learning something, not necessarily music related.

It's the last week of COOS youth 12 blessings campaign and we have only blessed 200 out of 8000 people that we are aiming for this month! We are far from our target but it's not the time to give up! Go out to the streets, do it in your school, workplace, anywhere! Come on let's try to hit our target!

Wow i had a lot to do this weekend, it's been extremely packed! And it's already Sunday! I wanna at least have some slack time but time passes too quickly! I'm off to complete my tasks!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: Posted out!
Date: 20 Feb 2008
Time: 17:21:08
TIME PASSES SOOOOO QUICKLY. Crazy. And this is my 4th entry this month and it's 20th!?! Man time flies!

3 of us OOT have been posted out to different camps! I'm posted to signals at jurong camp as a supply assistant! I booked out on monday and was supposed to book in on Tue at 8am but I will only book in tomorrow at 8am because I had to go through a sleep disorder test LOL! It's funny that after Uncle prayed for me, I had no panics all the way until last night(10 days!). Wow I was pretty lucky to get 5 panics last night that would be enough for the doctors to figure out what's wrong with me! I had wires that were stuck all over my face and chest(discomforting) but it was quite fun to sleep in the hospital coz I have never been warded for the past 10 years?!

I will know whether I will be booking out daily(8am - 5pm) or weekly tomorrow! It should most likely be from 8am - 5pm! YAY! Lots of time to be a civilian until I re-BMT which is dunno when!

Yesterday - Went to claim warranty for my mp3 which just went mad, and it was replaced with a new one! WOOHOO!

Today - Tried to claim warranty for the silly combo drive which had a manufacturing glitch. It can't eject. It started off with burning problems, wasting lots of dvds. Then it finally stop ejecting LOL. I checked the forums and everyone with this model claims to have the same problems! But I should have gone earlier when the burning problems started because the warranty's long gone! Tried my best to get it replaced with a new one but failed! So I decided to get a new combo drive 46 bucks, no more SAMSUNGS but LGS!

Today - And tried to claim warranty(5 years) for my logitech mouse. It spoilt when I dropped it like 3 years ago. I remembered that we barely used it for 6 months. From then on it was in the store. So it still looks so new although it is an extremely old model! And I was silly enough to lose the receipt last time.(when I didn't understand how to claim warranty) I called up the service line and the guy at the other end was answering my questions in a way that it is as though I had no more hope without the receipt. And I know it's not 5 years yet. So he told me I could use the serial number to verify not the purchase date, but the stock date. But I could not do it through logitech, I was referred to another company (prob an affiliate) and in the end I decided to "Forget it" and I got a new mouse for 19 bucks.

So the computer feels so much newer with two new peripherals! yeah!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: a great task
Date: 10 Feb 2008
Time: 12:18:50
It's already the 10th so fast! CNY holiday is over! :(

Okay I wanna type fast so that I can go and rest, coz, I have flu now and my eyes, nose, throat, and ears are all infected >.<

I have a MC for today and tmr but I have to book in tmr at 1330. One day to rest yay.

On wed my uncle came over to evaluate what is happening to me. Together my parents, him and his wife and me prayed for me and we had a lot of revelations!

Then on wed we all went to segamat and returned on fri. Because of something my uncle did not go to segamat. So we had a gathering yesterday at my home and had a great feast on CNY cookies and grub. Then went to my first maternal uncle's house for a while and then to my first paternal uncle's house for dinner.

I just went to church and then to see a doctor and finally am back home with the MC!

It seems like I have a mighty task ahead, as revealed by my uncle.

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: Happy CNY!!
Date: 06 Feb 2008
Time: 13:06:24
I booked out at 0800 today! w00t!

Just went out to NTUC to get food with mom. We're going off to Segamat later in the evening.

Somehow my problems have spread and my uncle knows about it. I am supposed to write down my traumas of the past and any guilt I am feeling now. And later in the afternoon we're going to his place for prayer.

And last night I had a panic at 0247 hrs. In the trance my view was from the top down to the bed, as if I was standing beside my bed looking down at it. It wasnt a human hand, it's more like a rubber hand. I shook it and asked, who are you? Then the voice - like a monster's - murmured some words, and I couldn't make out what was saying. I tried my best to hear what it was saying, and in the end I only heard the phrase "spirit of the living and the dead".

I dont entirely believe that all such dreams are supernatural. I believe they can also be natural. I dont condemn psychology. It says that when we're close to waking up we tend to see and hear more 'things'. When a child is overly controlled by his parent, he might dream himself to be enclosed, or chained or locked up somewhere. These dreams carry messages to remind the child of the problem until it is resolved. It works the same with the supernatural. When supernatural influences the natural and becomes part of the natural, visions in the trance can therefore carry spiritual messages.

For now I have too many of these trance visions/dreams and all are uninterpreted. But I believe that God has messages at night for me. Even if I panic at night, why can't I say it was a divine visitation? I dont just panic when I'm stressed, I dont just panic when I see a ghost, but I PANIC LIKE MAD when I see God because his even greater than these things. In Bill Johnson's books he mentioned that he wanted more of God so badly and one day he had a visitation. And the visitation was so powerful he felt something electrifying run through him from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. He felt power exploding out from his arms. That's a divine visitation. He did not go into detail about the experience, but one thing he mentioned in that book was that everyone gets visitations and all of them are different. And that it's impossible for one to live, after experiencing a visitation, the same as he did before he had it.

God visits us at night to remind us of our sins, even while we're sleeping. We should never devalue the power of dreams.

Job 33:15-18
15Sometimes in the night,

he uses terrifying dreams

16to give us warnings.

17God does this to make us turn

from sin and pride

18and to protect us

from being swept away

to the world of the dead.

Okay, I have to write my stuff before going to uncle's place which is real soon.

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.


Topic: Letting go
Date: 02 Feb 2008
Time: 17:22:53
I just talked to my pastor.

Number 1 thing I was told to do is to let go of the guilt of not helping my brother enough for him to promote in J1. I was told that it's not my responsibility for him to do well. He's forced to copy everything I have achieved in a way. If I get good grades, and since we're twin bros, both should be on par with each other in every way, but he's always feeling behind, and is always trying to catch up with me. The problem with this is that he's becoming me instead of himself; Instead he should find his own standards and abilities or else he would always be leaning on me and blaming someone else for his failures. It's time I let go of his problems. I remember that I have some J1 entries talking about how much I want him to pass and promote with me and so on, those are real proof of how much I take on responsibilities that supposedly belonged to him. It's time to let go and not blame myself. This is the number one thing I was told to do and maybe the panic frequency will fall.

Number 2 thing is about relationships within my family, which shouldn't be that significant, but this might have contributed to my panics.

Until now, when I get a spiritual attack, there's also a panic attack. In that case, the panic is triggered by 'the fear of the unknown' and not stress, this is as far as I can distinguish panics triggered by stress and those triggered by spirits.

Sleeping 2 days ago I had 3 consecutive panics and the first lasted 20 seconds the second about the same but on the third I thought I was gonna die because I stopped breathing since the first panic and I thought I was gonna die. I remembered during the panic, I did not fight the panic but I told myself that a person will never die, and is less prone to faint because of the 'fight/flight' response where adrenaline is secreted. I survived the 45 seconds (i remembed my bunkmates were all gathered around the room table, this happened during the day) but none realised what I was going through because I was completely still throughout the panics and it seemed as though I was asleep -.-

Throughout the third panic I heard some chatting and laughing but they were too soft to be heard. Then I heard a voice screaming as though it were angry with me. It can't be my imagination, it did not happen inside my brain, but I heard it like how I hear everyday. The third panic seem to be caused by the spirits.

Oh it's getting late it's 5:22pm I have to go to church right away!

The Oh Brothers™ .:Wonderous:.